Don’t kid yourself, it’s been a bitch of a year. And no matter how you re-badge things to ‘the year of radical change’ and ‘a chance to find more inspirational work’ – you aren’t done grieving yet.
Looking back, I’m amazed how well you coped, at how compassionate and fair you could be from the midst of your pain. At the same time, you connected with your mama bear self, and learnt to advocate fiercely for your baby and yourself. You learnt to be strong without apology, and that is a wonderful thing.
However, I need to warn you about what’s to come. It feels like the biggest hurdles are behind you, and that’s kind of true. You feel like you deserve a break, and that’s never been more true. But there is the temptation now to collapse in a heap and wallow, and you mustn’t give in to that. Because I know you, and you might never dig yourself out of that wallow again.
2011 has the potential to be the best year yet. But you have to get out, and get into it. Start many, many new things – don’t worry about finishing right now, just try everything. You chose ‘explore’ as the word of the year, so go out and live it.
By the end of the year, you won’t recognise your life. You and that beautiful boy will be living dreams that you haven’t even thought of yet, and reviving some that you thought were long gone.
Be brave! Push out into the blue!
with so much love and admiration,
your future self.