Just so much sand

Did you ever build an enormous sand castle, then sit back and watch the tide come in?  I used to do it over and over, fascinated by the tidal flats that pretend to be a beach in Geographe Bay.

It’s more slow and sadistic than jumping on the castle like Godzilla.  And there’s the faint possibility that this time, maybe, your sand castle will outlast the tide.

They never do, though.

My life is turning out like that.  I’m sitting back, watching it erode from underneath and it all feels insidious and inevitable and sad.  No amount of bailing, no moats or walls or dams can save it now.

The baby is fine, and so am I, I think.  But I’m also alternately angry, sad and shocked.  Everything is changing, and all my assumptions, all my starting points, need to be re-examined.

There’s nothing to write, because I’m between.  Until the tide goes out again, there’s no where to build.

But it’s not all bad.

The beach will still be there, with rips and bars in new formation to be explored.  Sea glass and driftwood and sand washed clean.  New beginnings.

Maybe I need a new blog

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3 responses to “Just so much sand

  1. Hi Kristen, it’s Natalie from Narratives class last year. This post is really worrying. Are you ok? Clearly not. You don’t say what is wrong, but I jumped to a marriage-issue conclusion (because you only mention yourself and the baby). I hope you have people to talk to.
    If there is nothing going on outside you own head, then have you invstigated post natal depression? That can be horrible.
    Sorry for the wild speculation, but your post sounded really sad and I am concerned for you.

  2. you have been in my thoughts lately, as you seemed to have disappeared from blogland, then i saw you in bloglines again and was all excited – kazari’s back!!!

    oh
    sorry to hear you’re battling high tide inundations

    may the sand stop shifting soon
    and as the water recedes
    may you find the elements you need to rebuild

  3. I stopped by to catch up and read a few posts from the last few months. It amazes me, as I have lived big and spontaneous changes, how life can shift so. But it does sound to me, while you are in a hurt, that you’ve a good head about it and you welcome a new future.

    Wishing you the best.

    xo
    erin

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