Corporate Criminality

Dear Milk Thief,

I can’t imagine being being hungry enough to steal food.  I know that it happens, it’s just a situation I’ve been lucky enough to avoid.  In the current economic climate, I suppose many more people will face the situation of having no legal way to provide food for themselves and their family.  I hope you know that, if you really need it, nobody begrudges you our office milk.

However, in my years working in offices, I’ve encounter many petty office food thefts.  Lunches that disappear from the fridge, fundraising chocolate not paid for, that sort of thing.  Sometimes it’s accidental – a coworker nuked my salad for three minutes last week, thinking it was her chicken tikka.    Many times it’s just mean.

So here’s my point.  If you need milk, feel free to take it.  But two whole crates of milk?  Are you trying to invent a dairy-fueled smart car?  Do you have calves to feed?

I can understand stealing food if you’re really hungry and desperate, but otherwise, it’s just petty.  Petty and stupid – what if you get caught?  Is two crates of milk worth an encounter with the cops (especially if it’s skim)?  Or an encounter with 30 angry geeks missing out on their morning caffeine fix?

And we have CCTV.  We’ve seen the footage of you waiting for the milk truck to leave.  You’d think you’d at least wear a balaklava, or a spiderman mask or something.  That way you could pretend you were stealing something worthwhile.  But really, two crates of milk?

I hope something more worthy and interesting comes along for you soon.  A life of milk stealing isn’t something I’d wish on anyone.

Yours sincerely,

caffeine deprived geek

(not quite so caffeine deprived that I will drink my coffee black)

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7 responses to “Corporate Criminality

  1. Ok, I feel horrible, being that you were deprived of the morning ‘kick’, but still… LMAO! Sweet and entertaining post! LOL!

  2. And all on camera! That’s too much! Freaken funny letter, you.

  3. Hey – I managed to learn to drink coffee black out of necessity, and now it’s how I choose to drink it.
    You never know…stranger things could happen…silver linings do appear…
    (smiles)

  4. Does that mean you work for a place that provides milk? Do they provide tea and coffee as well? Biscuits? Chocolate biscuits?

    Or was it the cafe downstairs that they stole the crates of milk from, so that you couldn’t get a decent latte? Because shop-bought black coffee is nowhere near as bad as the office-made kind.

    I really, really want to know.

  5. Yes Pen, such work places do exist…
    Not only do we get tea, milo and instant coffee, we get milk AND a coffee machine that grinds it’s own beans.
    Without giving too much away, there are no coffee shops nearby. So the geeks used to go out en mass for coffee breaks – 8 geeks gone for half an hour twice a day was more expensive than the coffee machine, so management ponied up.
    I’m not currently a public servant : )

  6. Oh, and we do get biscuits. Just no tim tams.

  7. I was given a left-over milk arrowroot the other day. Luxury!

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