Embracing the unknown

I’m having a very teary day today.  Was it on Jen Lee’s blog that I read ‘Faith is forward motion’?  Today I’m having trouble moving.

I’m not really worried about the baby coming… that feels like inevitability now.  There’s just so many unknowns. Christmas is impenetrable – will there be two or three of us?  If the baby comes by then, will my mum be here?  What sort of food should I be planning?  I’m usually excited about Christmas plans by now, but this year it seems I can’t make any.

I don’t even know when I’ll start maternity leave.  It sounds conceited, but I’m not sure how things will run without me.  There’s a few technical things I haven’t been able to hand over properly.  My manager has even discussed me working from home for a while, before the baby comes.  This makes me nervous… I’d rather just be done with it.

My body is changing so rapidly at the moment, I’m no longer sure what I’ll be able to do from day to day.  Sitting at my desk – or just sitting still anywhere – is increasingly difficult.  The baby is making it’s presence felt.  I’m wishing more and more I knew if it was a boy or a girl, because it seems increasingly inappropriate for such a strong presence to have no name.

I know this attitude isn’t helping.  I know I need to find a way to move forward, despite all the what if’s.

So that’s my wish for this week: I wish to embrace the unknown.

What are you wishing for?

Are you experienced?

I was stumped by Jamie’s wish prompt this week:

What do you wish to experience?

So I asked Ryan.  Ryan wishes to experience swimming in chocolate, and when he’d thought about it for a bit, a good shower afterwards.  His final thought was that the chocolate should be molten, but not too hot.

I’m glad I married a man willing to discuss the logistics of chocolate swimming.

Now I can’t follow chocolate swimming with a serious wish.  But I could follow it with more food…

I wish to experience an absolutely amazing post-pregnancy meal.  Something with blue cheese and red wine and sashimi and all the yummy stuff that pregnacious people aren’t supposed to eat.  I know I’ve got a couple of months before this wish could come true, but in the mean time, we can all wish for a swimming pool of chocolate.

Just say yes

Did I mention I am sick?  My body rebelled against business-as-usual.

‘You are big and pregnant!’ said my body.

‘But I feel good’ I replied.

‘You must rest!’ it demanded.

But I didn’t listen, so now I say ‘yes’ to four days in bed, coughing and sneezing and snoring and generally being delightful.

So Jamie’s wish prompt has come along at just the right time.

I wish to say yes to the demands of my body, and remember to be gentle with my ballooning self.

I wish to embrace and say yes to all the demands of motherhood, which are barrelling towards me at an alarming rate.

And finally, I wish to say yes to my teacher’s challenge, that I must keep writing through all this next phase brings.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take my lemon and honey and go back to bed.

Living in luxury

After all the stretching this week, I was ready for Jamie’s wish -  what luxury do you wish for?

I’m a little late, and should really be packing boxes, so here’s my wish:

I wish we had a fancy schmancy moving service, where they come in, pack your stuff and take it away, unpack it at the other end, and do all the cleaning.  Oh, and stock the fridge.

That would do nicely.

Stretching

Jamie’s wish prompt this week is about stretching.  I’m finding it pretty funny – at 26 weeks pregnant, parts of me are feeling stretched enough already!

When I think about how I’d wish to stretch, I can’t ignore all the opportunities the universe has been throwing at me.  This afternoon, I got sent a couple of links to different sites that publish fiction online.  And the ACT Writer’s Centre newsletter had a competition I could enter.  So I’m wishing to stretch myself by starting to submit things…

Can’t think of a way you’d like to stretch yourself?  How about taking part in a group art project for everybody?  Check out What Does your Soul Look Like? on Information is Beautiful.  Draw a black and white picture, and add it to what promises to be a beautiful project.

Happy Wishing!

Happy Stretching!

Making Room

When over-friendly workmates asked when we were having babies, I used to make a lot of jokes.  Mostly along the lines of “If we had a baby, she’d have to sleep under my computer desk!”

So um, now that we’re pregnant, it doesn’t seem quite so funny.  We live in a granny flat, which has been a lovely, cottagy, cosy love nest for two.  There is room for three bicycles and unicycle (mostly Ryan’s), many many books (mostly mine) and a comprehensive collection of hiking and climbing gear (collective).  Plus some belly dance props.

But no room for a baby.

When Jamie asked what I wished to make room for, there was only one answer. I can’t frame this well as a wish, so here’s what I’m telling my tummy:

Dear Baby,

We’ve found a lovely house for us to live in.  It’s further away than we live now, but it will have everything we need to make a home – that’s you, and me, and Ryan.  While you’re busy growing, we’ll be busy getting it ready for you.

Please help me wish for the time and the love and the things to make a home that hugs us all.

Books are my friends.

I have always been the sort of person to hide away in a book.  When I need to retreat from the world, I re-read old favourites.  When I need inspiration, I go looking in books.

And on blogs.

At any one time, there’s probably four or five books I’m reading, and several more on my wish list.  So when Jamie asked what I wish to read, I was spoilt for choice.

I wish to read Momma Zen, because I still haven’t got my hands on it.

I wish to read Zen to Done because Leonie made such an awesome poster and now I’m curious.

I wish to read The Moonstone because a friend cannot recommend it highly enough.

I wish to re-read some Stephen King novels because I’ve just finished reading his book, On Writing, and it blew me away.

Oh, and mondo beyondo, I’d love to read my name in print.

What are you reading?  What would you wish to read?

Clearing out and cleaning up

The mud is slowly being cleaned.  My gaters and the tent are on the washing line.  My boots are in the laundry sink, and Ryan’s are drying on the kitchen floor.    My pack was 4kg heavier from the mud.  But you know what?  I’m actually carrying more weight in other places.

My to-do lists, at work and at home, are starting to fill with extra weight.  I can feel the drag of projects undone, chores piling up.  I have two big things to do this week – a report, and a job application – that I haven’t been able to get to because of all the clutter in between them and me.

So this week, I’m wishing to clear out my to-do lists.  To make them into Ta Dah lists!  I hope you’re getting stuff done, too.

Happy Wednesday.

The golden river

Money is a funny thing.  There’s so many ways to think about it.  I’m a frugal gal at heart, mostly based around a belief that I truly need very little.  And the less I really need, the more money I have left over for things I want.

In ‘Puck of Pooks Hill’ there’s a story describing the flow of money through the lands as a river of gold.  If you paid attention and knew where to look you could follow it’s ebbs and flows and find your fortune.  In the story, the gold becomes a mechanism to free the people, but there’s constant allusion to it’s power to corrupt.

I like Leonie’s idea better, that an exchange of money is the visible part of a deeper exchange of energy.  So spending is a way to send your energy out into the world.  It’s a way to honour what you truly value. 

This month I’ve given up money to value my time.  I have Tuesdays off to honour my intention to write and to study.  It’s a pay cut, but one I’m glad to take.  Four days a week at work is so much more fun than five!

However…

there’s been a bit of a shift at work.  There’s a position opening up that could be a promotion for me.  It would require luck, synchronicity, and a lot of support from management, but what if?  What if I could get the promotion AND stay at four days a week? 

The raise would balance out the part-time, and I’d be back on the same money I had before.  I’d have more interesting work, and I’d still get my time to write!

I really believe the universe created this opportunity just for me, because I took the risk and chose less.  She is honouring my faith in the abundance she can provide.

So this is my most sincerest money wish.  To have my cake and eat it, too.

Happy wishing!

Just say yes…

This week’s wish prompt is “What do you wish to say yes to?” and finally I have an easy answer.  I wish to say yes to every opportunity to join in.  I wish to say ‘yes’ to the harem party next Friday, where I can say ‘yes’ to the opportunity to dance.  I wish to say ‘yes’ to writing projects, a women’s circle, and a soul tribe.

Oh, and yes to having people over for dinner and yes to book club meetings in coffee shops and yes to new netball teams and climbing buddies.  I am often a solitary creature, but right now I feel the need to reach out in the real world.  I love my blog friends, but I realise Ineed people closer, too.

So there’s my wish.  I wish to say yes to joining in the real world, in any way that appears.  Happy Wednesday!