climber single mamma

To the person who searched for ‘climber single mama’ and found my blog – will you come climbing with me?

Today was perfect climbing weather.

I need a climbing buddy.  Somebody with a sense of humour.

Somebody who can understand that I’m effectively a beginner again.

Somebody who doesn’t have to lose skin or risk their life to feel like it was a good day on the rock.

I want to conquer a few climbs, and conquer my fears again.  I want strong fingers, and muscles in both arms – not just the baby-carrying one.

I don’t want to go hard OR go home.

I just want to climb.

A big realisation about work.

I just realised I’m not in the wrong profession – I’ve just spent four years doing the wrong job.

Wilted greens

It’s disturbingly hot.

This evening the baby and I watered the garden.  I have a red tin watering can, and when you fill it from the hose it makes a huge racket.   The baby sqeals and runs away, then laughs and runs back to see.  He sticks his hand in to slosh the water around, and then points to the dusty garden.

We watered the pumpkins and the strawberries, then the lavender.  The lavender was best – water on hot leaves made the scent rise through the air.  Finally I watered the rhubarb, but I don’t think it will survive the heat.

I haven’t done much to the garden this year.  It was Ryan’s thing, really… so I sort of neglected it on purpose.  No, that’s not true.  It just never made it up the list past caring for the baby, caring for me, sorting out a separation and finding a job.

Now I’m discovering plants are very forgiving.  I came back from my Christmas holiday to find a jungle of tomatoes and herbs in the veggie patch.  The corn is as tall as I am, and the mulberry sapling, which I thought succumbed to the frost, has sprouted four new branches.

The baby loves it.  He stubs his toes on the concrete every single day, but he keeps running anyway.  He picks the cherry tomatoes but doesn’t eat them.  He does eat the plums and the strawberries when he can get them.  And when he’s tired of gardening, we blow bubbles in the hammock.

Reverb10: Ordinary Joy

December 27 – Ordinary Joy

Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

(Author: Brené Brown)

Airports make me cry. It doesn’t matter if I’m picking somebody up, dropping them off, or travelling myself. I inherited this trait from my mother.

In June and July I spent a lot of time in airports.  I flew back to my family, and then, because I needed her, my Mum came to visit me.

I paced in the airport arrivals area, hugging the baby to me, completely wired with anticipation.

The arrivals board flashed landed and I watched the top of the escalator intently, willing for the first glimpse of her.  She finally appeared behind a bunch of enormous business men, and right on cue I burst into tears.  By the time she reached me, we were both crying, and laughing because we were crying and then finally we hugged.

We must have made quite a scene, because I saw other people watching us, and every time someone else caught my eye they smiled or laughed, too.

Airports are full of ordinary joy.

Reverb10: Soul Food

December 26 – Soul Food

What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

(Author: Elise Marie Collins)

I started this post three times – the first time I stopped to make iced tea for my mum, and I just finished making a potato salad for the New Year’s barbecue at my sister’s house.

All food is soul food when you share it with those you love.

But sometimes the food you eat by yourself is just as nourishing.

I’m going to tell you about one of my guilty pleasures.  On Sundays, the baby has adventures with his father.  I get to do whatever I want.  Sometimes I go to the National Library to write.  Their cafe is awesome.  I can sit up against the thick, juicy stained-glass windows.  I drink coffee, watch the people and read whatever quirky selection is in the magazine rack.  Sometimes I write.

Once, I ordered banana bread.  It was nearly lunch, and I only wanted a snack.  When it arrived at my table, I was engrossed in an article about The Magic Pudding.  I looked up to see an enormous plate – two fat slices of banana bread, marscapone, and sticky date sauce.  I almost laughed with delight!  My snack had turned out to be a decadent dessert-for-lunch.

Joy.

Soul food for one.

Reverb10: Picture of me

December 25 – Photo – a present to yourself

Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you

are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

(Author: Tracey Clark)

I love this photo.  I’m standing in the middle of the adventure playground, wearing my favourite Freo-hippy-mama clothes.  The baby and I were on a playdate with some of our favourite friends, and it didn’t matter a bit that I was the only single mama there.

Some days I grieve for the family life that I no longer have.  Some days I grieve for the earth goddess mama that I won’t get to be.

This photo reminds me that even if I’m a single mama, even if I work full time, the baby and I can still have adventures.

Life is still good.

Reverb10: Waking up to okay

December 24 Prompt – Everything’s OK

What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

(Author: Kate Inglis)

I woke up.  I woke up by myself, to light streaming in the window.  It was early morning, but not the crack of dawn, and I was startled to realise I had woken up naturally.  There wasn’t a sound from the baby.  I did the automatic arithmetic in my head – how many hours had he slept? – but realised he hadn’t squawked all night.

Sudden jubilation was replaced by an equally sudden panic – was something was wrong?  Just in time to quell my fears, he grumbled and stirred.  I got out of bed  with a big smile on my face.

We didn’t need any help to get through our day, or our nights.

We were both okay, and in that moment I knew it completely.